‘The Forgotten Tryst’ : a poem and a call…

Waltzing Blue (Rakhi Varma)

I saw a dream, a wide-eyed one
Where the quiet inside begins to speak…
The rare vision that rouses you
From a much deeper sleep…

I saw a shining cup of victory, waiting
Suspended a moment above the din…
But, when the man did not come for his prize
Oddly, the cup made its way to him…!

I saw him enter the door and find the cup
Upon the mantlepiece, crestfallen…
Oh, how it struck his heart (and mine), the truth
That your road is always there and calling…

The dash that many a trepidation and fear
Made him refuse to run…
The track they knew so well, the cup and him –
Was always his, waiting to be won…

And stunned I watched in my mind’s eye
A promise unfold, but half a tryst…
A cup, a glory, yearning for its victor —
But oh! the experience of victory missed.

This poem and the piece are a bit different from the previous entries, in that they are a collaboration. A sudden vision that Shambhavi of The Little Space in Pune had, and a meaning that we both derived from it, forms this offering today. And we want to take you somewhere with it.

Imagine… You are busy doing something when a movie trailer starts playing on your screen. It immediately captivates you for some reason, so much so that you easily slip into watching it. Your interest is already piqued, so when the opening credits flash on, you read along as if on autopilot. And suddenly, it’s the mother of all surprises: It’s your name on the screen. YOU are the protagonist of this story… Yes. You scripted it and you are the director as well. And, now, know this that you laid it all out before you entered the stage, this very Earth “Theatre” to act it, live it and become it.

Call it incarnating. Call it ‘materializing’. Or simply being born. But when you made your entry here you forgot about having scripted your own movie, intentionally. Why? So that you could live it fully, ‘experience it’ from within, not without. To know every step and the whole road in advance would mean no desire, no momentum, no movement whatsoever. It would be the end before the adventure even began…

Thus, you give into this gorgeous amnesia. This beyond brilliant game of hide-n-seek. And you do not want to change anything because it has been so perfectly scripted by you in a co-creative process with Existence. For you are an intrinsic part of Existence, just as Existence is an extension of you. And together you play. You create movies (read stories), the rich experiences, all the learning and growth. And, as you go, you make better movies, slicker ones, expanding your consciousness to whatever it wants to ‘make possible’, and so on – till you find yourself flowing towards another creative endeavor elsewhere in existence, or to stop and take a break.

So where is the problem? …In disbelief.

We refuse to believe in the call of the soul, the only evidence that persists when all else is forgotten. That singular, most unique feeling of something tugging at the heart…relentlessly. You shrug it away, hide it, dampen it down for umpteen reasons. Imagine again: Everywhere, wherever you step, is the track laid down by you. Every dream you imagine coming true ‘someday’, thus, is the cup you gave to yourself in anticipation of that experience of victory. And all of it is waiting for you to trust in that slow recall that is termed ‘calling’ or ‘desire’ or ‘tug’, or ‘pull’… Have your word. But then you refuse to believe in your word…and you struggle and wither. Maybe, fall physically ill too. Life seems to hold no meaning. Why? Because the meaning your life has for you is in that calling that you won’t open yourself to. We live multiple lives when we watch movies, we even live for others, but we forget to live the most important life of them all – our own.

Through the Haze (Shubhangi Litoria)

Each time you let your own naysaying stop you from doing that which is only yours for the doing, it’s like creating glitches and disturbances in your smooth movie-watching experience. Life becomes jerky. Painful to watch. And, all those things that you stop yourself from doing will never get done by anyone else. Why? Because they were meant only for you to accomplish, to reach, to find. Your defeats are only meant for you for your learning, but then so are your victories only meant for you to take home. They will go to no one else. The whole process, that path you laid out for yourself to experience that bliss would self-destruct.

If  you don’t walk it, it is meant for no one else...

Rumi said, “What you seek is equally seeking you…” Indeed it is. Your creator self is seeking you. Your own masterful heart is seeking you. Your deepest and highest knowing is seeking you. And although this self-scripted drama is an illusion, it is THE path. It is designed to seem real for the sake of your play. You put in all of it to experience the whole magnitude of your own Being… And you got 3D glasses too – the depth of your feel to immerse yourself in it. In the quickening of the heartbeat when you set eyes on your soulmate, to feel the throes of a union, to sense the tears trickling down your cheeks when you win, to feel the vertigo as you look down the mountain top, and the pain of separation and death, and the deep acceptance of your human experience – as well as the remembering, the nirvana…the homecoming bliss!

For it all to come into experience, for it is empty without experience, you must participate. And to participate, you must believe. You must listen to that call. You must run for that cup that is already yours.

We hereby invite you to play in your orchestra, dance your ballet, embrace your lover, sing your song, run in your wild poppy fields, walk on your clouds, and kneel and kiss your ground…and though there are a thousand ways to do it, do it your way. 

Map of the Soul…

It does not take time
For innocent waiting
To turn suddenly
Into the roar of love
For you to then burst
Into your deepest song and
Cutting deep through the ego-field
Self-destruct and dance…
If you know what I mean.

A gentle stream born of melting snows
Murmuring over time-rounded stones
Is not aware of her own plunge
Coming up ahead…
Where it’ll tear the valley
With its cascading force
And, thrilled, crash free
Of its previous form

As the world looks on.

You never know what you carry
And why –
Till the map of your soul
Brings you to it.

There, Now (Rakhi Varma, 2021)